it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
