If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
