He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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