she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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