She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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