i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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