How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
