You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
