I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
