he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
