I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
