Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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