i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
