Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
barbara walters just said penis...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
