Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize