I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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