I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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