Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
