I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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