Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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