worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
