I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
you never un-have a 4some
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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