We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
