Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize