My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
