I queefed so loud it echoed.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
