home. puking in laundry basket.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
