When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
