Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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