i can't believe i had my finger in that
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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