so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
