Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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