just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
