My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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