put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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