just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
