Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
