Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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