He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
