So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
