Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
