i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize