You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
