is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize