I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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