maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
