Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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