This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
