I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you win again, gameday.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
