Do you still have your period?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
