I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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