So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize