Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
