yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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