it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
