just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize