i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
And then the night went full on bisexual.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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