This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
