I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
