I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
