I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
