That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
