I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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