Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize