Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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