i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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