My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize