Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
