i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
