Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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