Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
