I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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