The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
