this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
